


All About Control

by thesecretdoor



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Dark, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mild Blood, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2018-10-18 18:59:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10623114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesecretdoor/pseuds/thesecretdoor
Summary: Taguchi falls in love with his kidnapper (this was the original prompt)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [The J&A Everything Goes Fic Meme](http://je-niffer.livejournal.com/702.html)

The cold was the first thing he noticed, he was shivering against some breeze floating over him. He rolled his head to the side, eyes blurry, and tried to work out where he was, but it was too dark and nothing looked familiar. He didn’t even notice the figure standing just the other side of him until it spoke, voice altered to something low and mechanical.

“Taguchi Junnosuke” it said “It feels as though I’ve been waiting for this...I needed it...but it’s not time yet, go back to sleep.”

He felt frozen, but this time it was nothing to do with the cold. His eyes stayed locked on the figure beside him as he tentatively tried to move.

“You can’t get away” the voice started again “Not until I figure out what to do with you...just try to relax for now”

He opened his mouth to speak, though he didn’t know what he would say, but it didn’t matter since a shaky breath and a slight whimper seemed to be as much as he could manage.

The figure moved then, walking around to his other side and away, into the darkness at the other end of what he supposed must be a room, and then there was the sound of a door swinging shut, closer than he expected.

He jumped a little at the noise, and then held as still as he could, listening for any other sounds but all he could hear was his own heartbeat and his shaky breaths.

He couldn’t tell how long the silence stretched, but when it finally felt like he really was alone, he relaxed enough to get his brain working.

The first thing he focused on was his surroundings, he was laying down on what felt like a bed, arms stretched above his head. He tried to pull them down but as he half expected they wouldn’t budge, a metallic clink sounding when he tried again a little harder.

He turned his head instead, trying to look at the room but it was too dark and he figured it must be night time. On his right hand side where the figure once stood he could now see a window, but beyond it he could see only the darkness of the sky, signalling he must be quite high up somewhere, or somewhere remote. One of the panes on the window was smashed and it struck him that the breeze must have been coming from there, just a moment before it struck him how odd that was, a room high up or secluded that contains a bed but the windows are broken.

Next he noticed the smell, something old and musty, and together with the broken window he concluded that the building must be abandoned.

For a few moments his mind remained ominously blank, but then the situation sunk in and he had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from screaming. He was handcuffed to a bed in an abandoned building while some stranger with a voice changer tries to figure out what to do with him. He couldn’t stop the scream the second time, but nothing happened, when the echoes faded he was still alone and terrified and he did it again, screaming, shouting, crying until he felt exhausted and hoarse.

He tried to concentrate on what he should do, but the realisation that there wasn’t anything to do almost had him screaming again. He turned his head to the side, wriggling against his restraints to at least try and regain some control over the situation, but they wouldn’t budge, and eventually he fell asleep, scared and uncomfortable.

***

When he woke next it was to bright sunlight shining in on him almost blindingly. There was a shuffle off to the side, and his heart froze as he turned his head, noticing the strange figure again. He squinted his eyes, trying to see better, but his eyesight was bad enough without the light fighting against him. He could only just make out the shape of a person in the corner of the room, and as it moved closer he noticed it was a man, covered from head to toe in a zentai suit.

“You’re awake” the strange man said, the voice the same strange mechanical tone as before as he fidgeted just a little with the fingers of the suit. “Are you hungry?”Taguchi just stared, surely he wasn’t kidnapped for the purpose of being fed. “Look it’s not like I like this any more than you do, so just...do you want something to eat?” there was something strange about the words, but with the voice changer it was hard to read the man’s expression.

“Where am I? What do you want with me?” he managed, voice cracking from the aching in his throat.

But the man just laughed “If you’re not hungry I’ll come back later.” And he turned to leave.

“I need to use the bathroom” Taguchi blurted out, his mouth working faster than his brain as usual, but it was enough to stop the man in his tracks and he turned back to Taguchi.

“There are some toilets down the hallway that seem to work alright still, I’ll take you but you have to promise not to cause me any trouble ok?”

Taguchi shook his head “I won’t, please just take me...”

The man stood still, seemingly considering him for a few more moments, but then he moved forward, taking a small key from a cabinet before walking the rest of the way to the bed. “Don’t move until I tell you to, ok?”

Taguchi nodded and then waited, holding perfectly still until he felt the locks around his wrists fall off, and then he was told to get up.

He sat first, the muscles of his back protesting the movement after such a long time spent in an uncomfortable position, and then slowly he got to his feet.

The man held out an arm to steady him as he tried to get his feet working again, and then slowly he led him across the room.

Taguchi glanced around as they crossed the room, figuring out immediately what kind of room this was, a school infirmary, only it was thick with dust and dirt, it’s condition much worse than he had suspected the previous night.

Out in the hallway there were further signs of the buildings disuse, classroom doors hanging from the hinges, more layers of dust and piles of leaves in the corridor along with shattered glass from more broken windows.

“What is this place?” Taguchi asked but the only reply he received was a sharp tug on his arm that nearly sent him toppling over.

He stayed silent for the rest of the short journey, using the time to instead study his kidnapper. He’d already deduced from the body shape that it was a man, someone slender but with a bit of muscle, a little shorter than himself though that wasn’t unexpected, but other than that, the suit made it very difficult to tell anything about him.

When they reached the toilets Taguchi was pushed roughly inside, and then followed in by the kidnapper, right up to the cubicle door.

“Can’t I have a bit of privacy?” He asked once he’d shut himself inside, but he could still see the feet under the bottom of the door.

“Right...and let you escape” came the mechanical voice.

So much for plan A Taguchi thought, but then he could hardly expect someone that had gone to such trouble with disguises and voice changers to let him escape so easily. Well then it would have to be plan B, just as soon as he figured out what plan B was.

Even as they made their way back along the hallway, he hadn’t quite decided what his action plan should be, but as they reached the door to the infirmary he knew he had to do something immediately.

Without even taking the time to think, Taguchi turned suddenly, hitting the kidnapper in the side of the head before running, as fast as his aching body would allow him.

He heard a loud bang behind him and what he guessed must have been an angry roar, and he urged his body faster, round a corner and down some stairs into another corridor. He paused for a moment, trying to make out the signs on the walls and figure out which way to run. He followed the sign towards the head office, keeping an eye out for any doors or windows he could safely get through but he halted in his tracks as he came across the cafeteria, surely there must be an exit through the kitchens, and so he turned that way.

He barely had chance to register the derelict state of the room, tables and chairs overturned and thick with dirt when he heard a loud noise to his side, he saw a flash of black and then his vision went fuzzy with white dots, and he crumpled to the floor.

***

He felt the weight on top of him even before he’d fully come around, he felt the stretched sensation along his back again as his hands were held above his head.

He forced his eyes open, flinching at how close the masked face was to his own, even though he knew there was someone sitting atop him.

“I never wanted to hurt you Taguchi, but you had to go and do something stupid didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry” he tried, but it came out almost as a whine.

“Only sorry you didn’t get away...but you underestimated me, I know this place far better than you ever will, there’s no corner you can hide in where I won’t find you” the voice almost barked, and he was surprised to feel a slap across his face.

It didn’t really hurt, but he felt a little scared all the same, he should have known he couldn’t get away, but he didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t even know why he was here. “What do you want from me?”

There was silence for a moment, and then a hand came up to rub his cheek, running over his bottom lip “What do I want?” and then there was something that sounded like it could be a snort “I wish I knew Taguchi, I wish I knew why I feel this way about you...” but then the voice sounded strangely angry “Damn it, I wish I knew what it was I’m feeling for you”

“What do you mean?” Taguchi asked shakily, tentatively.

“You’re beautiful” the kidnapper replied immediately, resuming the stroking across his face “It’s intoxicating, and the way you smile...it twists me up inside and I love it so much, but I hate how happy you get to be all the time...when I see you smile it’s like something snaps and I can’t decide if I want to fuck you senseless or beat your brains out against the nearest wall.” The hands moved down to wrap around his throat.

Taguchi knew his eyes were wide, fear shining in them now, but he couldn’t say if that was only fueling the kidnapper even more as the hands began to squeeze, pressing down into his windpipe until he was choking.

“I like that look on you” the kidnapper spoke again, the mechanical voice sounding lower, deeper than before, and then the hands let up for a moment, allowing him to gasp for air before closing in again.

He felt the weight above him shift, and he had just enough clarity through his panic to register something hard being pressed into his hip, rubbing against him.

The hands at his throat let up a little again, and Taguchi gasped in a lungful of air. “Please” he sputtered “Don’t” and he felt tears running down the sides of his face.

“Fuck” the voice replied, followed by what could only be a moan and the hips sped up against his, rubbing the fabric of his jeans almost painfully against him, and then the hands closed tighter, as he body above him began to jerk.

When the convulsions stopped, the hands disappeared just as a heavy weight flopped down onto his chest, pushing out what little air he had left and everything went black. 

***

It was already dark again by the time his eyes opened. Then kidnapper was sat to his side now, on a low stool, with a soft lamp behind him, a damp cotton ball in his hand that he was dabbing gently against Taguchi’s lip.

“I’m sorry for what I did earlier...you muddle me up so much sometimes that I just don’t know what to do...”

Taguchi didn’t reply, he was cold and hungry, his whole body sore and he felt violated, an apology from a stranger meant very little to him in that moment.

And then it struck him, the things this man had been saying...they weren’t the kind of things a stranger would be able to say. He tried to reason with himself, the things he had said didn’t sound too personal, any fan would know that he smiles all the time, and being part of KAT-TUN he was pretty well known. Something still seemed off though, the way the kidnapper spoke about not knowing how to react around him...it sounded as though this was someone that had been in close contact with him before, but he could think of nobody that had been acting strangely around him.

“Are you hungry yet?” the kidnapper spoke, and though he didn’t really want to take anything from this monster, he had very little choice in this situation, so carefully he nodded.

He was allowed to sit up while he ate, the handcuffs were unlocked and then replaced with his hands behind his back, and the kidnapper fed him a simple dish of nabe. He was a little surprised by how delicious it was, though he half suspected that could just be due to the fact he hadn’t eaten in so long, he couldn’t even say how long it had been. Now that it occurred to him, he couldn’t actually remember anything of what he was doing before he was kidnapped, he couldn’t even say when it had been.

“I’ll give you one more chance, I’ll take you along to the toilet but if you try anything you’ll be shitting in a bucket for the rest of your stay ok?”

Taguchi just nodded, he wouldn’t have the guts to try such an attempt again anyway, never mind when it was too dark to see where he was going.

After an uneventful trip to the toilet and back, Taguchi was pushed back to his bed, his handcuffs removed and then his arms pulled back up above his head and locked into place.

He was left alone then, in the still, dark night, with just his own thoughts.

He tried to figure out how he’d gotten into this situation, if he’d done anything to merit it, or if it was possibly just a deluded fan.  But he could think of nobody that would want to do this to him, sure he annoyed a lot of people, but he didn’t know of anyone that disliked him this much.

He tried to remember then what it was he’d been doing when this had all happened, where he was even, but the last thing he could remember was being at rehearsals. KAT-TUN had choreography to learn for a new single so he’d spent most of the day in the dance studio with them, electing to stay later and help Kame who’d been late to rehearsals due to filming his new movie.

He vaguely remembered leaving the studio, getting showered and changed at least, but he couldn’t say for sure if he’d made it home, or even to his car. The clothes he was currently wearing supported the theory that he hadn’t made it home, it was the same scruffy old pair of jeans and random t-shirt he’d been wearing when he left the studio.

An owl hooted somewhere outside, pulling him back to the present, and he tugged once more on his restraints before letting out a deflated sigh. The others must have noticed he’d gone by now, maybe they were looking for him, the police might even be involved. But he knew nothing of his situation...he might be miles from Tokyo where they would never think to look for him. Hell, he couldn’t be sure they would even have reason to look for him, if he was snatched somewhere between work and home there would be no evidence of a struggle, no reason to suggest that he hadn’t just had enough and driven off on his own somewhere, not that he ever would.

He couldn’t stop the tears from coming as he let it all sink in, his only hope was to trust in this strange man to keep him alive, or send him home.

He couldn’t say how long he’d been laying there with only his sniffles to break the silence, but eventually the door opened and his kidnapper walked back in. He walked over slowly and sat down by the bed again.

“Are you crying?” he asked, the same mechanical voice echoing through the room. “What are you crying for?”

“I want to go home...” Taguchi whined, sniffling some more “Please let me go...”

A hand came out to stroke against his cheek “I’m sorry, I can’t let you go, not now...”

“Why not?” he whined even more pitifully.

“I just can’t...I can’t just take you back and pretend like his never happened...”

“I could...I won’t think anything about it, and I won’t try and find out who you are...I’ll let you just carry on living your own life in peace.” He tried to reason.

“That would never work...you’re scared right now...but once you get past that you’ll just be angry...and then you’ll want revenge...besides...I can’t just go on pretending it never happened either...that wouldn’t solve anything...”

“What will you solve by keeping me here?”

There was a slight pause, and then the hand moved up to stroke through his hair “I don’t know...I guess I thought if I just took the first step then everything would be clear...but I’m still so confused...it’s hard to say whether I hate even the sight of you...or whether I’ve fallen in love with you...”

For a moment neither one of them moved, but then slowly the kidnapper leant down pressing his lips against Taguchi’s through the suit, and something inside Taguchi snapped. With as much force as he could manage he threw his head forward, knocking it into the kidnapper’s so that he shouted out in pain.

“What the fuck?!” He screamed, clutching at his face.

“Just because you can tie me up, it doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want to me...you’re sick...” Taguchi almost screamed back.

“You want to bet? You really think that’s how this is going to work?” and he stomped across the room, flinging open drawer after drawer until he came across what he was looking for.

When he stomped back over to the bed Taguchi saw a slight flash of silver and then something sharp pressed into his temple.

“Don’t make me hurt you Junno...I want to do it...and I will if you don’t do as you’re told...”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, he gasped against the shock of it and turned his head away, feeling a few moments relief from the sharp object until it was pressed into the side of his cheek.

“Are you going to listen now?” he was asked, and the kidnapper at least seemed a little calmer, but Taguchi could still feel the sharpness against his cheek when he nodded.

The object was drawn away then and Taguchi caught a glance at it, a small scalpel-like knife, just as the kidnapper held out his suit at the groin, cutting a hole into it. Taguchi wasn’t surprised when his next move was to shuffle closer, knife slotting snugly in the crook of his neck just as he was presented with a half-hard cock.

He stared at it, terrified, knowing what was expected of him but not how to go about it. It was something he’d always been curious about trying but not like this, not forced against his will at knife point.

“Well?” he was questioned and when he did nothing but gulp and stare up to the masked face, he felt the sharp sting of the knife penetrating his skin in a shallow cut before being dragged down, tearing his skin apart.

He could form no reaction but to gasp and try to pull away, but with his free hand the kidnapper grabbed him by the hair, pushing his head closer until his lips met now solid flesh.

He closed his eyes tightly and did the only thing he could, open his mouth.   

He did his best to breathe through his nose as his mouth was stuffed, repeatedly, with the hard flesh. He was thankful at least that nothing seemed to be expected of him, he just had to lay and take it, which he did, concentrating solely on his breathing until he almost choked on the hot spurt of liquid that hit the back of his throat, coating his tongue as the cock was removed from his mouth.

He coughed, trying to roll over to spit it out but the hand was still clutched in his hair and so he didn’t reach any further than the patch of bed beside his head. When the worst of it was gone, he swallowed, trying to shake the taste of it from his mouth, and then finally his head was released. 

 The kidnapper was standing above him, head downturned to the knife in his hand, as red dripped from the tip of it. The sight was enough to scare Taguchi, though he knew the cuts, while painful, weren’t serious. “You’re fucking crazy” he hissed, and the kidnapper seemed to be startled, dropping the knife to the floor before fleeing the room.

***

The following day happened for the for the most part the same way as the previous. He was provided with food and allowed to use the bathroom, then he was locked back in place on the bed. His kidnapper stayed away for most of the morning, but by what Taguchi guessed must be early evening he was back, tearing open the freshly stitched hole in his suit.

“You know what to do this time right?” he asked. Taguchi nodded, heart hammering in his chest as he caught sight of something in the kidnapper’s hand, something metallic. “That’s kind of a shame…I was hoping I would get to use this again” he continued, holding up the scalpel for Taguchi to see “Though I guess I could try it anyway…” and he slinked across to the bed, climbing up onto it to straddle Taguchi’s hips.

Taguchi gasped as his T-shirt was yanked roughly up and one hand trailed up his stomach to his chest. “You’re so beautiful it’s unbearable” and the scalpel came down gently, close to the thumb that was already pressing a little hard into his sternum. He waited for the sharp sting, but his kidnapper seemed more intent on teasing himself with feather light slides with the back of the blade.

He squirmed a little, trying to relax his breathing as the attention was focused on the ticklish skin of his stomach, coming to rest at a random spot. The sting surprised him, and he grunted involuntarily, turning into a pained groan as the scalpel continued down, digging into his flesh.

He raised his head to look down, a little nauseated at the beads of blood already bobbling up along the red line. Satisfied with the state of that one, the kidnapped relocated the scalpel to a fresh patch of skin just below his bellybutton, and taking his own cock in his free hand, he sliced another line, moaning in pleasure.

Taguchi gasped, hissing as the scalpel slid into his skin over and over, a little harder each time as the kidnapper sped up his actions on his own body, stilling only when Taguchi’s abdomen was a mess of red and white streaks.

The scalpel was tossed to the side but the kidnapper remained straddling his hips, breaths coming out as harsh metallic whines, changing subtly as he calmed and then his body began to shake, a strange noise coming from him that Taguchi soon realised were sobs.

“Oh god, what have I done?” he said at last, bolting from the bed to the door, disappearing without another word.

Taguchi looked down, a little alarmed at his condition, none of the cuts were deep but they were bleeding enough to make him feel dizzy at the sight, and the knowledge of what other fluids he was wearing, mixing with his blood didn’t help.

He flopped his head back down, clenching his eyes shut as he tried to take deep breaths, calming himself.

Eventually his kidnapper re-entered, carrying what seemed to be a large pot of water, he set it down on the bed before taking a small towel and dipping it into the water before attempting to clean Taguchi’s stomach. His hands were shaking, breathing uneven as he continued rinsing the towel in the water and wiping over the wounds again.

Once the worst of the mess was cleared and the small slices were visible, he placed the towel back into the pot, reaching instead for sterile bandages he found in one of the infirmary cupboards.

He pressed one down onto Taguchi’s stomach, holding it firm to try and stop the bleeding, but the pain caused Taguchi’s body to jerk hard, and they both watched as the pot tipped as though in slow motion, drenching the kidnapper’s lap in the red-tinged water.

The kidnapper gave a little jump as though hurt by something and then Taguchi followed his eyes down to his waist, a small box like shape could be seen under the fabric of the suit, a small plume of smoke rising from it.

The kidnapper turned his eyes back on to Taguchi, and in a voice too familiar Taguchi heard his name “Junno?”

“Kazuya?”

***

It had been hours since Taguchi’s kidnapper, his band-mate, his friend had run from the room and Taguchi was still no closer to understanding why he was here.

Everything had been fine at work, there’d been no reason for him to suspect that Kame disliked him, or hated him…or had any kind of desire for him. He’d just been his usual self, a little tired from all the work he’d been doing, but still just Kazuya.

He didn’t know how to feel about the situation either, knowing now who it was that was doing this to him. Sure he was scared, it didn’t change that he’d been tied up for days, cut, and forced to do things he didn’t want, but he couldn’t imagine Kame ever being malicious just for the sake of it.

When Kame eventually showed up again, dressed now in his own clothes, he said nothing, he moved around clearing up the pot and dabbing at the rest of the water, before leaving again, returning with a smaller pot of water and a clean cloth before raking through the infirmary drawers again.

Kame refused to look up to his face as he set about cleaning the wounds again, first washing away the traces of dry blood, then wiping over them with some kind of alcohol wipe that stung enough to bring tears to Taguchi’s eyes. Then he took the time to tape a small wad of bandage over each of the slices, before finally, lowering Taguchi’s shirt.

“Kazuya?” Taguchi asked tentatively once he was done, but the other man still didn’t look at him. “Why are you doing this?”

Kame just shook his head before resting it down against Taguchi’s chest, tears soaking into his shirt.

Taguchi fell asleep that way, listening to the deep shaky breaths that accompanied Kame’s tears, turning softer with time, before finally shifting to the light, shallow breaths of someone drifting to sleep.

***

Kame was once again straddling his hips when Taguchi finally awoke, there was something colder in his eyes as he stroked his fingers gently over the white patches of the bandages on his skin.

“Kazuya?” Taguchi tried again.

“I guess you know what I am now?”

“What? I don’t understand…” Taguchi replied, worried at the slightly manic half-smile lighting up his friend’s face.

“No, no I don’t either Junno…but something about this feels right…when I hurt you, when I take you like that” and a hand moved up to stroke his cheek “I finally feel like everything is ok…you know?”

“What’s going on with you Kazuya? This isn’t like you…” he was cut off with a sharp slap to his face.

“What would you know? This is me…this is the way that I am…I’m just usually much better hiding it than this…” and the hand closed around his jaw, holding his head still. “But something about you makes me want to snap…” and he leaned down forcing a kiss on Taguchi, licking hard along his lips in an attempt to gain entrance, but Taguchi kept them firmly shut.

There was another sharp slap, Taguchi could tell Kame was getting angry, and it scared him a little. He felt lost and confused and tears came rushing from his eyes before he knew they were there but he didn’t try to hold back as Kame slapped him again harder before pounding a fist against his chest.

“Why do you have to do this Junno?” Kame shot bitterly at him.

“Why won’t you let me go?” Taguchi wailed in reply.

“I already told you” he answered voice more a snarl now “Just stop crying…why do you have to start crying just because you’re not getting your own way…do you think I ever get what I want, huh?” and his hands were again on Taguchi’s face, nails digging into his flesh “Do you ever stop and think about anyone else but yourself…do you even care about how lost that stupid smile makes me feel?” he roared, dragging his fingers down, scratching deep enough to sting on each side of Taguchi’s face.

“Kazuya please don’t hurt me…” but the hands continued down wrapping again around his throat.

“Just shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” he screamed and he let go of Taguchi’s throat, his hands moving down to his belt, pulling it loose and opening his trousers. He shuffled up then until he was straddling Taguchi’s shoulders, taking out his flaccid cock and shoving it into Taguchi’s face “If you’re going to use your mouth for something then at least do something useful with it…what are you waiting for…”

There was nothing he could do, nowhere to turn and so he mustered up the most disgusted look he could manage, fixing it on Kame as he opened his mouth. He sucked for a few moments, putting in as little effort as possible as he continued to stare as Kame.

“Stop it, stop looking at me like that” Kame snarled, and Taguchi could tell it was getting to him as the flesh in his mouth remained limp. Kame pulled away, falling backwards onto Taguchi’s stomach and making him cry out in pain at the pressure against the cuts.

“You’re messed up Kazuya” he spat, but Kame just laughed.

“Yeah…I’m starting to notice that myself” and rather too giddily Kame got up, swaying as he wandered around the room, laughing to himself, his trousers still unfastened and falling down to his knees.

Taguchi was seriously worried, Kame had gone crazy, insane he amended when Kame began kicking at hitting at the cupboards and walls.

“Kazuya…what’s wrong?” Taguchi asked, trying to remember that this monster was his friend. “What happened to you?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” Kame shouted in response, lunging back towards the bed, only to break unexpectedly into sobs “Junno, I don’t know what’s wrong with me…why now…why can’t I take it?” and just as suddenly he was gone from the room.

***

The pattern of the previous days continued for, Taguchi didn’t know how long, days, weeks maybe, Kame would feed him and take him to the toilet before tending to his wounds, then disappear for a while. A few hours later he would return, get angry or some mix between crazy and upset then storm from the room, offering no further explanation as to why Taguchi was even here, or what he was hoping to do with him.

From what Taguchi could gather, using his complete lack of psychological training, Kame was losing it. He didn’t know what had happened recently to set Kame off, or what he’d done personally to merit taking the blow for it, but it seemed like Kame was in some kind of inner battle with himself, torn between destruction and guilt.

When he was on one of his rampages, Taguchi was truly terrified of him, not just because of the knifes he liked to play with or the sexual favours he tried to coax from Taguchi, but because his friend was completely gone, it was as though there was nothing of him left.

But when the stress of it became too much and Kame finally broke down, he really wished that his hands were free so that he could wrap them around Kame and comfort him. He’d always thought Kame was invincible, but in those moments Taguchi saw him for the scared young man that he was, swept up in a wave of adoration too young to know how to deal with it, and his own chest hurt with Kame’s pain.

***

“I should just get it over with” Kame screamed in one of his rages again “We both know how this is going to end…we’ve been missing for too long, I’ve done too much, there’s no way out of this now…” and he held his trusty scalpel up to Taguchi’s throat.

“Kazuya, don’t do this…we’re the only two people who know what happened here…we can tell them anything we want…” he tried to reason, it wasn’t the first time Kame had threatened him like this, but each time Kame was just a little more desperate, a little more deranged, a little more believable.

“And what will you want to tell them Junno? How I took care of you…treated you real nice” he snapped back, pressing just a little harder with the knife.

“Please Kazuya, I’ll do anything you want, just please, put the knife down…”

“What I want? I don’t even know what I want…” but he still dropped the knife, tipping closer to the upset side of things now. Neither side of Kame was any easier to reason with, but at least this one didn’t seem to want to kill him so badly.

“Then talk to me…just take off these handcuffs and we can work it out together…”

Kame snorted “Work it out? Like there’s any logic to this…like any of it makes sense?” and then the tears followed. “Junno what’s wrong with me?”

“I think maybe you’re just exhausted…you’ve been working so much lately, there’s so much pressure on you…that has to be making things difficult for you…maybe you feel like you have no control over your life right now and this is all just an attempt to gain control over something…” He’d been thinking about it a lot, and that was the closest he’d come to a solution. “Kazuya, you don’t need to do this…if it’s control that you need then I can help, but we’ve got to do this on terms we agree on…”

Kame was shaking his head “I’ve done too much now…why would you help me?”

That much he’d been trying to avoid thinking about. It was true, Kame had done some terrible things to him, he’d hurt him physically, kept him locked up for god knows how long, so why did he still care so much about him? Why did he want to protect him? Why had he fallen in love with him?

When he didn’t reply, Kame stood shakily, making his way out of the room. Taguchi felt like a failure again, there was only so much he could do in the position he was in, but he had to keep trying, he knew that there was still something left worth saving in Kame, and it scared him a little knowing that meant more to him than his own freedom.

***

The sky was a pale pink when Kame returned next, looking calmer but more frail than Taguchi had ever seen him.

“We’re in my old elementary school” Kame said, looking around as though he were seeing the place for the first time. “I wondered why I picked this place…but after what you said it makes sense, I guess this is when it all started, getting in to Johnny’s and then…all the work just kept flooding in.” He sighed, walking over to the window. “I never meant for this to happen, it’s not something I planned…”

He turned then, and came to sit down on the edge of Taguchi’s bed “For years now I’ve been confused about my feelings for you, I think it’s your free spirit maybe…sure all the others have their moments, but they all get stressed too…I’ve never seen you get stressed, not about work, not once. I think I was angry at you for that…but it’s my fault I’m so stressed out all the time…I keep taking on project after project, worried that if I say no then I’ll never have an opportunity like that again…”

“Kazuya, there’ll always be work for you, just because you turn down one thing, it doesn’t mean they won’t ask you for anything else…” Taguchi tried to assure him.

“I know…but I thought I could handle it. I was handling it. But that night…you had to stay back to compensate for my busy schedule and you were fine with that…you didn’t even break into a frown once…and I just couldn’t take it. I saw you walking to your car, and I didn’t even think, I just…knocked you out. I put you in the boot of my car and just drove…and this is where I ended up. I tied you up then went back to the house for supplies, and I haven’t left here since…I just figured there are some things you can’t go back from…”

“We can though…”

Kame smiled bitterly “Thank you Junno…after all that I’ve done to you…sick, disgusting…disturbed…”

“It doesn’t matter…I just want us to go back…” Taguchi interjected.

“You forgive me?”

“I forgive you”

“Why?” Kame asked, voice cracking a little.

“Because I love you…” Taguchi answered honestly.

“Thank you…you’ve helped me more than you know…I think I’ll be ok now”

Taguchi’s face lit up, and Kame couldn’t help but smile in response. Then Kame walked over slowly, unfastening the handcuffs and helping Taguchi to his feet.

“There’s a phone box a little way down the road…you could call someone from there to come and get you…” Kame finally spoke, stepping back so that Taguchi could leave.

“And what about you?”

“I still have a little thinking to do…I’ll follow you when it gets a little lighter…it’ll give you a few hours to talk to the right people, to give them whatever story you decide to tell.” And when he didn’t move Kame chuckled “Go on, I thought you wanted to go home…”

Taguchi smiled and nodded, but as he turned to leave, Kame gripped his hand, turning him back around before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

He left the room, the silence in the hallways eerily oppressive, but as he made his way through the school, something felt wrong. He turned suddenly, sprinting back to the infirmary to find Kame leaning on the window frame looking out, tiny rivers of red running from the ledge under his hands.

“Kazuya!” he screamed, but Kame only turned his head, smiling sheepishly at him.

“I told you, I’ll be ok now…”

Taguchi rushed forward, tearing strips from his shirt to tie tightly around Kame’s wrists before he fled the school as fast as he could on his aching, sluggish limbs. He found the phone box with little difficulty and after calling for an ambulance he rushed back to Kame.

“Why are you here? I set you free” Kame asked sluggishy from his position slumped against the wall.

“I won’t leave without you Kazuya, I told you I want to help you…”

“You’re an idiot…”

“No…I’m in love with an idiot”

He didn’t go into shock until after the ambulance arrived. Kame had stopped talking a little while before, but he was still breathing, Taguchi was sure he was, he had to be. But when they had taken Kame from him, when he stood up and saw the blood, Kame’s blood that he was drenched in, it hit him, the thought of losing Kame was worse than anything he’d endured so far.

*** ONE YEAR LATER ***

“Otsukare” Taguchi called out half-heartedly as he rushed from the studio and into the parking lot, glancing around him more times than necessary out of habit. He climbed into his car, and just sat for a few moments, now that the working day was over he had chance to just sit and breathe for a while, letting out all of the tension and relaxing into a smile.

He stopped at a department store on the way home, picking up a bottle of fancy wine and the flowers he had ordered, white lilies were Kazuya’s favourite. Then he went back out to his car before heading home.

“Tadaima” he mumbled as he entered, though he didn’t expect a reply.

“Okaeri” came a reply, and for a moment he was startled, before Kazuya appeared, apron around his waist and hair pulled up comically into a little fountain.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, surprised.

“Making dinner…” and he stepped forward, dragging Taguchi from the genkan and taking the wine and flowers from him “Are these for me?” but his cheeky smile told Taguchi he didn’t need an answer, instead he turned back to the kitchen.

“I thought you were working late?” Taguchi asked as he followed him back to the kitchen.

“I was…but I left, some things are more important than work…” and he put down the flowers and wine before wrapping his arms around Taguchi’s neck, pulling him in for a sweet kiss. “Happy Anniversary”

“Happy Anniversary” Taguchi smiled back, pulling Kazuya back in for another kiss, something slower and overflowing with the emotion he felt for the other man.

“I’ve got to stir the curry” Kazuya giggled, pulling himself away and out of Taguchi’s hold.

“And what’s for dessert?”Taguchi asked, following him over and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“I thought you’d be curious about that” Kazuya replied, mischievous tone in his voice, and after replacing the pan lid he turned around in Taguchi’s hold, pulling something from his apron pocket as he did. Handcuffs.

Taguchi’s face lit up, a lot of things had changed since last year, but Kazuya still had a thing about control.


End file.
